Wanted: Friend (Some Experience Required)
I’m going to be honest. When I say that, I don’t just mean for a sentence or two. This entire post is about me being as honest as I can. About myself, about my experiences, about everything. Oh, and maybe I’ll joke around a little.
Putting myself out in the open and asking, “Anyone wanna be friends?” makes me feel very uncomfortable and vulnerable. I have undiagnosed anxiety, meaning it doesn’t take a doctor to figure it out – I have anxiety!! (LOL) I don’t go out of my way to be around people, even people that I know. Even people that I like. It’s hard for me because I’m a person with very specific emotional needs.
Several years ago, from ages 5 to 7, this kind of thing wouldn’t bother me in the least. In fact, everywhere I went, I would walk up to other kids and greet them by saying, “Hi! I’m Lilli! Want to be my friend and play?” In about the sixth grade, though, I started to become much more introverted. It wasn’t really just “growing up,” but rather the people around me who taught me to be that way.
I have had some relationships with people whom, if I were to meet again, I would not choose to be around. I don’t regret knowing them, per se, because even though they weren’t the greatest people, they did shape me into the human being that I am today. For that, I’m grateful.
I want to live by the Bible verse Proverbs 13:20. It says, “He who walks with wise men will be wise, But the companion of fools will suffer harm.” I’ve been the companion of fools for a while, so I’m hoping to get in touch with some wise men/women.
Since I’m a complicated person, I have somewhat-complicated needs. There are a lot of things I look for in a friend, so I think the best way to list them all is… in a list. Woot!
- Please don’t just become my friend because you find out I also like something you like. I’ve had a few friends who would only hang out with me because we had a few interests in common, and once one / both of us grew out of those things, the relationship became awkward and strained as we tried to figure out something to talk about. I would prefer to have friends I can connect to on a deeper emotional level – talk about serious feelings, ask each other for life advice, etc.
A long time ago, the only thing that brought me to a new friend was our shared interest in Minecraft. Also that we both liked to role-play, and not many other people in our class did. As we grew out of Minecraft, though, fewer and fewer things actually held us together. Interactions outside of our “fantasy world” became awkward and strained until we just stopped talking altogether. I really don’t want another repeat of that experience.
- Try to be open to new points of view outside of your own. I struggle with this as well, but it can be difficult to have a conversation with someone when they absolutely will not consider your views. Usually this hasn’t been a problem with girls I have met — mostly boys. Not trying to be sexist, that’s just what I’ve experienced in my own life.
- Be a person who talks and listens relatively equally. I dislike it when people constantly steer the conversation towards themselves, but I also find it awkward when my partner in conversation is just staring at me, waiting for me to talk, or making random noises (eg. “meow” and “blargh”) to break the silence.
- Try to just pay attention and be there when I’m explaining a problem I’m having. Unless I ask for advice, chances are, I don’t want it! I like having friends that I can talk / vent to. When I’m trying to express how I feel about an issue, I don’t always want help. More often than not I’m just talking about it to get it off my chest. If I want your perspective or your help, I will most likely ask for it.
I used to be really bad about this, and I feel terrible for some of the things I’ve said when I should have just been listening. A couple of years ago, an online friend of mine was once telling me about a negative experience that she had when talking to someone else online. She sent me screenshots of their conversations and overall seemed pretty upset.A normal person’s reaction: Wow! They seem pretty rude. I’m sorry you had to deal with that.
My reaction: What exactly is it that’s bothering you? Have you tried talking to them about it? Here’s how I think you should deal with the situation! [insert five-paragraph life-coaching session that would make anyone regret talking to me]
If my friend had asked for advice, it would have been different, but she just wanted someone to relate to. I looked back on this interaction and realized that I would be very hurt and annoyed if someone did the same thing to me when I just wanted to talk. I want to be better about this, and I’d hope that my friends in the future would avoid doing that, too.
- Be willing to have fun and joke around! I have had friends who barely smile and can’t take a playful joke. It’s not very easy for me to be around them. I also don’t enjoy being in the company of people who can’t have fun playing a game. I’ll give an example / recount an experience when this happened.
I was having a Halloween party for six of my friends. I’m going to call these people A, B, C, D, E, and F to respect their privacy. During a previous hangout with just A, B, C and myself, we made up a game together with very few rules. Since it was so much fun with the four of us, I wanted to play with all six of my guests! D was alright with playing the game, but E and F really wanted to add more rules. They insisted that the game be more serious, and that it have mechanics like rolling dice to determine the outcomes of different in-game events. This lead to everyone arguing about how the game should be played instead of just going with the flow and having a good time. Because of this negative experience, I’d hope that my friends in the future are willing to be more spontaneous and less controlling. Rules are okay in life, and exist to protect us and others! However, it’s not cool to tack on unnecessary regulations to a silly game.
Those are some basic things that I would like to see in others. But it isn’t all about you! (LOL) Here are some things you should know about me and my personality.
- I’m shy at first, but… Those who really know me know that I have a penchant for cracking jokes and being very open about my feelings. But that’s only if you get past my “wall of introvert.” When I’m getting to know someone, I tend to walk on eggshells if I’m not yet sure what kind of person they are. This ends up leaving them with the impression that I’m always like that, but I actually have a very different attitude towards the people I know and trust. So if I seem different at first than I do later on, it’s because I’m starting to trust you more! Lucky you!!
- I’m an artist. I enjoy being creative and I love composing music, drawing, and blogging. Because I enjoy being creative, I can be really emotional at times. I used to be very easily influenced by my environment, but right now I’m trying to figure out who I am rather than always trying to imitate what I see online and around me.
- I am totally cool with my parents. A lot of teens my age either are indifferent to their parents or claim to hate them. Some have very good reason to! I know for a fact that there are a lot of not-so-great moms and dads out there. However, it’s my theory that most people just say they hate their parents to seem cooler. Again, I’m not saying that every person who dislikes their parents is doing it for popularity or to be “edgy”! It’s just… a lot of them might be. v(ouo)v
What I’m getting at is that I don’t hate my parents. In fact, they’re kind-of my best friends right now! They’re really supportive and pretty good listeners. We all enjoy each other’s company and love joking around together. So, needless to say, I’m not too keen on disobeying them out of spite or anything. I wouldn’t really be the type of person who’d enjoy sneaking out late at night when they’re asleep or something like that. I don’t know anyone who’s tried to get me to do that, but I figured I’d put it out there just in case! I’m a good girl. :3 (LOL)
- I haven’t had a lot of Christian friends. A lot of the people I was around didn’t believe in God or Jesus for their own reasons. My ex-boyfriend actually put down my faith by saying that the belief in an afterlife is stupid (which is why he’s my ex, LOL). In addition, Christians around my age that I have met have never been very accepting of me, which is funny to me because the Bible teaches us to be loving and be a light unto others. I’m hoping that I can find a friend who believes in God and tries to be a kind person like the Bible tells us to be.
- I want to get closer to God. I don’t reject people who aren’t Christian, but I dislike it when people tell me that my beliefs are dumb. I believe in God, I believe that Jesus is the Son of God, I believe that we require His Holy Spirit to be able to do good, and I believe that if we ask Him for forgiveness of our sins, we go to Heaven when we die. I request that people not insult me for believing these things, and I won’t insult anyone for believing anything else! I actually love learning about different religions and perspectives because I think they’re very interesting. IMO, most major religions have the same core values, which are love and peace. But that’s a tangent for another day! 😉
I really want to become a better person. I’ve already come very far from the person I was just last year, and I believe that if I let the Holy Spirit take control, I can be even better than I am today. I want to pray more when I’m in times of need, because too often I just forget to ask God for help in the heat of the moment. I want to start reading the Bible regularly, because I don’t. I want to be a light unto others, but usually I just shut myself away in my room and hardly talk to anyone. I don’t think that’s what God intended for me, and I want to start doing better. I hope that any friends I make in the future will support me in those goals.
Submitting Your Application
If you’ve read all of that and you’re still interested, then you’re likely either A – super desperate, or B – someone I’d be interested in pursuing a friendship with. Or C – someone’s mom. (JK) If I’m a little too emotional, jokey, intense, nerdy, artsy-fartsy, etc. for your taste, feel free to avoid me at all costs! If you’re here from my Facebook post – you’ve seen my profile picture! Avoid that face!! (LOL) But if you’d actually like to be my friend… well, this is the job for you. If you’re here from FB, then go ahead and message me, comment on the post, etc. I’d love to know more about you and who you are, but not in a creepy way (haha). Really, though – thank you for taking the time to read all this. I truly appreciate it.
After reading your application, I will get back to you within two to four business days. Thank you for your time! 😉